Days Go By – Happy New Year!

Published January 7, 2012 by Dorothy

Our restaurant :)

After five months, I,along with all the group of people who arrived in June have been promoted from bakers to “Commis”, we no longer work in the Bakery shop; we now work in the restaurant. That pretty much means we are now “half waiters” in the aforementioned French restaurant. We don’t talk to customers so much anymore or take their orders, neither do we introduce ourselves to them or give them advices about wine, or which dish should they go for; that’s the waiters’ jobs. But we do bring them their food, reset tables after they leave, prepair soups, keep stocks full…

On my last day of 2011 I was at work…

  • 8h30: Joan Jett shouts about her bad reputation. I turn off my alarm clock and go back to sleep straight away.
  • 8h40:” WE’RE LIVING IN THE PAST , IT’S A NEW GENERA-TION!!!AND I DON’T REALLY CARE…” turn off alarm, go back to sleep again.
  • 8h50: “OH MY BAD REPUTATION…” “err, hem hem” my roomie says.”can you please turn that off? this racket has been keeping me up for half an hour!!” I turn off Joan Jett and heave myself out of my bed.
  • 9h20: In the bus with all the other commis, Pixie, Trainer one and revolver Eyes are across the alley from me and seem about to fall asleep as well. I crack open the “Monster” energy drink (for those of you who do not live in America, a Monster is pretty much like a Red Bull, except in a ginormous can and it comes in several different tastes and for different people like “special low carbs” or “zero calories”. There’s even a Monster morning drink “special pisshead who was shitfaced the night before” which provides not only energy, but also rehydratation.Anyway.)
  • 9h 40: Buy second Monster from vending machine. Will need it. Notice all of my coworker also have a can in hand. Today we will need energy as we are working until the next year.)
  • 10h10: Finish Myriam’s Monster. Am turning into Monster junkie.
  • 10h30: Half mad with all the Monster energy drink abuse, I start working, or rather, running around the restaurant like a madwomen carrying racks of glasses, buckets of ice, and throwing coffee pots around. Am teamed with Revolver Eyes and Cha (have I ever mentioned this girl in my posts? she is from that same “June 7th group” as me, Princess Sara and Bernadette).
  • 11h30:Peggy, who overslept, probably on the phone to one of her exotic lovers from the other side of the world (heehee she’ll punch me for writing that tomorrow morning) turns up.
  • 12h: The restaurant has filled up to the brim with happy tourists.
  • 12h45: Happy tourists have finished their meals and gradually start leaving the premises. We start running around like headless chickens resetting their tables and bringing in loads of stock. (note to self: try to remember that Revolver Eyes is not the boss of me anymore .Can actually stop saying “Sir yes Sir!” when she asks for something and do not need to execute orders in the next nanosecond after they have been given 😀 )
  • 15h: Time for New Years Eve buffet: I shovel food in my mouth and head back to the buzz station so the girls can take their turns at having lunch. Rush rush, we have never been so busy.
  • 17h:A huge cramp curiously and not so conveniently situated in my backside. Very weird. I hadn’t thought I’d been using that part of my body so much that day. Impossible to walk fast, though, and carrying weight is getting difficult. I abandon the stock duty to Cha for a while.
  • 21h:Backside is getting better. Relay an exhausted Revolver Eyes at stock duty.
  • 00h: We have all been allowed outside to watch the fireworks! So beautiful!My right buttock though, is pretty much paralyzed; the cramp has come back in a whole new super painful reedition.
  • 00h50: Girls are taking a few pictures as we are closing down the restaurant, and I sit on the floor. “whassup, you need to go pee?” Myriam asks. “I think my right buttock is paralyzed” I tell her and all the girls burst out laughing and ask to take pictures because they have never seen a paralyzed buttock before and that will be a memory to keep.
  • 3h: In bed with heat patch on my backside. Am persuaded it will never feel the same again.

Stay tuned for more adventures!

m xx

New York, New York (part two)

Published December 20, 2011 by Dorothy

If you haven’t read the first part of this story, it’s here. So I will proceed with my list of things to avoid:

Thing # 4: do not bring an under motivated Bernadette to museum or monuments visits

  • I found the Ellis Island museum was a wonderful place, the air was still charged with history, I loved those expos of personal belongings and family pictures of first immigrants. Bernadette’s reaction : “what are these pictures of weird old dudes?” and then “what are you looking to these old clothes and shits for?” “Well, I’m looking at the tags to see where they are from.Look, this is from Ireland. It has the Donegal blazon on it!” “great. Now you know where that granny got her dirty stinking coat from, can we go to the food court? I’m starving.”
  • Atop of the Empire State Building right on the minute we got up: “Great we been here so let’s take the elevator back down!” “But wait!” I said, waving the map of “New York landmarks from up above” I’d just bought at the 368731897435735th floor souvenir boutique. “I want to check out the Brooklyn Bridge! And the Rockefeller-” “okay okay!let’s get this over with and then we’ll get some tucker at Five Guys!” (he sighed, convinced I’d felt obligated to buy it when the shop assistant had shown it to me) “You know you didn’t have to buy this stupid useless map! I reckon that guy who made you buy it ripped you off!” “no He didn’t!” I replied, “I wanted the map!” I dragged poor Bernadette all the way around the roof to see NYC south, NYC north, NYC east and NYC west from above. He seemed totally exhausted by the time we got to Five Guys.

Thing # 5 : Do not pick out the one taxi driver who will get himself lost

So one morning I decided to go on my own to Madame Tussaud while Bernadette was sleeping in; I was supposed to meet Bernadette at twelve thirty so we would visit Harlem in the afternoon, But time ran so quickly so I decided to take a cab versus getting back home using the exhausting NYC subway. First, everything seemed to be just fine, then the driver said he was going to take some road that turned out to be closed; after that he panicked, braked on the highway then ended up driving around in circles waving desperately to other taxi drivers out of his window, shouting “HOW CAN I GET TO NEWARK??!!”. He finally found the way but once in Newark he go lost once again! “Er, we’re supposed to go left!” I said. “Are you sure? No I think you’re wrong” he told me but a few miles later, he pulled over, stopped a car with a bemused old granny in it, and asked for directions, then turned back around. “she said this way but I’m not sure…” I saw the familiar sign of the Burger king that was only a few blocks away from the guest house and asked in a shrilly voice to be dropped off here right now. I’d spent money on a cab ride, but the journey had been waaaayyy longer than a train ride. I grumbled about this and managed to get 20 bucks off the fare.

A cab ride to the airport : 52 $. Checking in luggage : 25 $. breakfast at the airport : 7 $. a 4 days adventure in NYC that sound like the scenario of the next Ashton Kutcher movie : Priceless.

stay tuned!! mxx

New York,New York!

Published November 9, 2011 by Dorothy

Times spent with Bernadette are always eventful; I don’t know why but he has an ability to get himself and others around him in all sorts of weird situations. So a trip to NYC with Bernadette was bound to mean : trouble.

Having had such a strange time in New York, I have decided to publish a list of things not to do when you go on an NYC back2back, so all of you who are going to do this after us can benefit our great experience.

Thing #1: Do not check your account balance a minute before your plane is scheduled to take off

Yes, I know, you are mighty sure you know how much you’ve spent, how much you’ve earned, you’re a live calculator and who needs bank statements when you’re so good you’ve got your balance worked out in your head! But still. You might end up like poor Bernadette; who discovered, at the ATM, right on the morning we left,that whilst he thought he was practically a millionaire, he disposed, in fact of the substantial sum of 4, 53 $, for four days of tourism in NYC.

thing #2 : Do not assume your luggage will arrive with you on the same plane and you’ll be able to go your merry way

at least, that’s what the employee at JFK told us. When we landed, we waited for our suitcases to come out; and waited; and waited. Everybody left with their cases, except us and another couple of people, and then a woman who reminded me of Queen Latifah came out of her office and motioned for us to follow her, telling us “not to panic” words which, of course, made us panic right away.

“Not to worry, not to worry” Queen Latifah assured. “I have some stray suitcases in my office. I’m pretty sure that’s where your luggage is.” we followed her in the office and the cases weren’t there.

“Not to worry” she said, her smile wavering a little. “where did you guys take your connecting flight? Philly? they must be there. I’ll call the airport.” And so she did.After a few nod, a few “humhum” “okay” “are you sure?” “well okay” “thanks anyway” she hung up and turned to us, and I could tell our luggage was in trouble. “well isn’t that funny now!” she cleared her throat embarrassed.” They are not in Philadelphia either! my files says they left Orlando but we have no clue where they are now!how funny!”

Neither I nor Bernadette found any of this funny, but we still filled in the “funny little forms” for lost luggage. “Now there was a flight to Oahu departing at the same time as your flight!” Queen Latifah explained.” Wouldn’t it be funny if your suitcases got to Oahu and not you guys? have you guys been to Oahu yet? I bet you haven’t!”

I casually explained that we were on our four days holiday on a tight budget and that, given that everything we needed, clothing, toiletry, travel guides, adapters for cameras, etc (…) was in our cases, it wouldn’t be that funny if we had to wait for our stuff to come back from Oahu. After that she got cross at us, she snorted that we had no sense of humour and it was a pain dealing with customers like ourselves, that we were difficult and so on! Bernadette mumbled a reply in French about her shoving her funny little form up her arse and about her moving the aforementioned arse out of her chair to go find our luggage, an answer that I translated to Queen Latifah by :” My friend asks that you do your very best to help us retrieve our luggage and he feels that filling out forms is not enough.”

She nodded and said we should hope for an appearance of our luggage in the afternoon; After all it was “funny how sometimes lost luggage turned up out of the blue!” so we left and went to visit New York. We went to Fifth Avenue and had a great time eating free chocolate sample in Godiva. Luckily for us, the cases were not gone to Oahu and they arrived at the airport at 3 o’clock.

thing #3 : Do not check in to your guest house late

With all the shenanigans at the airport, plus the time we took to find our way around in the subway, we arrived at the guest house way later than we were supposed to, 1 pm; when we put down our cases in front of the house, it was 8 pm and pitch black outside; we were bone tired.

“At laaast, we’re going to have a rest!” Bernadette said, satisfied. we knocked at the door. Nobody answered, and that’s when I noticed it was also dark inside the house.

“Don’t tell me  the check in dude is gone” Bernadette sighed.

When I climbed the few stairs to the door, I noticed the guest house owner had left and stuck a note to the glass panel :

Bernadette and Kenny Cat,Welcome to NYC guest house!! please call me on your arrival to get your keys, George 321-xxx-xxxx

Bernadette and I looked at each other. Both of us had lost our cell phones just days before the departure. We were in a quiet suburb and there was nobody around.

“Allright.I’ve had it with New York.” Bernadette slouched down on the porch.”I wanna go back to Orlando!”

And actually, now we were on our own in the cold heartless city, I kinda wanted to be back in Disneyland. I think living in Disneyland is highly addictive. Whether you have lost your keys, crashed your car, wet your pants,run out of m&m’s or whatever, there’s always one of Mickey’s employees here to ease you out of any situation; it always seems to take them nothing but a phone call and a Colgate smile. After a few month there, you are totally freaked out when you go out on your own. Anyway, after sitting on that porch for a few minutes, we both decided to make our way back to the train station, dragging along all our cases with us, in the vague hope of finding a payphone that I thought I’d seen when I got off the train.

“Ahhh here it is!” Bernadette pointed out and we sighed with relief.

I picked up the receiver, fed the phone our quarters and dialled George’s number.

“I am sorry, the number you have called is no longer in service.Please check your number and then dial again” said a female robot voice.Before swallowing my quarters and asking for more money! I screamed abuse at the payphone and slammed the receiver, so a guy waiting for his train took pity on us and let us use his I-phone. But I hadn’t dialled a wrong number, the number was not in service, simple as that.

We eventually made our way back to the guest house, and that’s when one of the neighbours, walking past us on his way home, noticed our miserable faces and decided to help. He knew George’s number and so he called him; George had hidden the key in the pot plant, we retrieved it and got inside to rest…

…the story is nowhere near finished, so stick around for the end 🙂

Go here for part two

mxx

Over the Rainbow

Published October 26, 2011 by Dorothy

Dear people who read me,

We always think : “I can’t deal with that” we also think: “Why is this happening to me and not him/her/them?” and “I can’t live with that, it’s too hard.”

Actually, I think, all of us are only dealt with a hand we can handle.

till I post again (tomorrow),

m XX

 

Born to be Wild

Published October 7, 2011 by Dorothy

Some times earlier, I said I would put more videos and pictures on this blog. Seeing as I don’t have so much time to write a new article now (although I have plenty to tell- articles will be coming shortly) I will share this short video of our trip to the everglades, (will tell you all about that and the NYC trip later on) Caution, Aligators!

In the sun

Published September 16, 2011 by Dorothy
amc

dine-in theatre!

Since the last time I wrote, I :

  • Called in sick. I started feeling weird in the middle of a training (was trainer drinks) and an afternoon rush. Decided to wait and see.

Waited and started to see stars dancing in front of my eyes, and had to ask manager for a break. Manager sent me home after threatening to get paramedics; I vehemently refused: I very much dislike hospitals and medical care centers, and anything that looks even remotely like a doctor.(Well, except McDreamy and McSteamy. But you know what I mean).

Manager was concerned I wouldn’t make it home but I’d rather crawl home than be driven home in a paramedics van with all the creepy smells and machines and the men asking embarrassing questions. “What have you had for brekkie ?” (twizzlers and a Twinkie, with a dash of coke zero) “and do you do sports?” (watching the pretty NFL players on TV, it’s the closest to doing sports I get these days; now that I have to take a year long break from dancing.) “and when have you last had a general check up?” (mmm all I can remember about my last check up at the doctor’s is that mommy took me. And I was wearing Little Mermaid undies. Oh and the doctor gave me those awesome multicolored sweets… I guess it’s been a while). I got home, and The next morning when I woke up, I was still feeling dizzy and weird, so I called the day a day before the day begun and phoned work to say I wasn’t coming.

  • had a bizarro nightmare:  I went straight back to bed after I phoned work and fell fast asleep very fast.

My mind continued the story by itself, I dreamt it was the next morning and I was going to work; and as soon as I arrived I heard Princess Sara screaming his head off in the kitchen just as loud as he did in the dinosaur ride in Animal Kingdom. But when I got to the kitchen, Smily Emmy blocked the way. “He’s in despair because he didn’t get the message that you called in sick yesterday” she said in her southern voice. Next Marshall kicked me out of the Bakery yelling that I was “as dumb as a fucking hermit crab” for not calling in sick, even though I promised him I did call. Woke up in a panic. Took me a good five minutes to realise neither Emmy nor Marshall nor Princess Sara were here. How obsessed with work am I?? Am thinking about seeking professional help.

  • moved apartments: moved from my apartment with six flatmates to another one where we are only two. So great.

I now have a huge balcony and added privacy. Transporting all my stuff from one flat to the other was the hardest part: my old flat and the new one are at the two opposite extremities of the residence.

I have so much things, when I only came with two cases! I suspect stuff multiplies by itself. But then again, I also suspected that money disintegrated by itself in my wallet; there might be a correlation here, I wonder? The thing is, I never notice myself buying stuff, and I always feel that I don’t have enough! Must investigate matter of utmost importance befor bankruptcy occurs.

Anyway, it took me the whole afternoon to go back and forth with bags and suitcases, then towards the end, when I was getting out of the old flat with the last of my things…

“What are you doing exactly?” two boys that work in the French restaurant were getting in some supercool Mustang and eyeing me quizzically.

I replied (trying to pull the door shut with my foot whilst carrying my smelly shoes in a Victoria’s Secret bag, Barb’s bag that I was supposed to give back to her 587514587452 years ago full of books, and two suitcases filled with food) :

“Erm…I’m moving out!”

Then they offered to drop me off at the new apartment; I would have cried with gratitude. Actually, moving homes in a Mustang is pretty cool…Who needs poxy moving vans ? they are so last year 🙂

  • passed DATA (Drug, Alcohol and Traffic Awareness) exam: If you want to get a local driver’s license, you have to first have a 4 hrs DATA course and pass the exam, then a traffic laws exam, and then the driver’s license.

I doesn’t take long at all, and it’ll be great to have it. Basically the course aims at getting some sense into you if you’re some eejit who drives like Vin Diesel. It also points out all the risks of driving under the influence,  and what alcohol does to your body anyway. I read it all with the greatest interest while taking swigs of my scotch and coke. I passed the exam with almost no mistakes!

  • discovered dine in cinema: Do you like watching films on your recliner, while having a snack? Then dine in cinema is for you!

Supersoft leather seats that recline, a table in front of you loaded with the most delightful american food! we went to see “Crazy stupid love” with Calimero, we loved it! watching Ryan Gosling’s abs while drinking ice cool coke zero and having cuppy cakes, the three coolest things ever at once! I am not going back to France, sad country deprived of dine in cinemas, I’m sasking for residency here 😀 What do you mean, that’s no valid reason to ask for a green card?

stay tuned!! mxx

Mission Impossible

Published August 21, 2011 by Dorothy

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves…

1 ) Explaining two new girls how to close the stock : mission accomplished

Actually, am I really studying to be a teacher? Because explaining stuff is kinda stressing me out. But maybe it’s because the stuff I was explaining, I didn’t really know all about yet 🙂 It was sooo difficult to a) keep the lines full  (the lines, where we put all the pasties on display for people to buy) so that lead Marshall doesn’t think I’m an eejit and can’t put two croissants together b) at the same time explain the pre-cleaning to two girls and make sure they’ve done everything right without forgetting anything myself and c) remain calm at all times, without even so much as a shot of Bourbon inta me to help. But in the end, we finished like, 20 minutes before the others. “That’s not right” I insisted, a little panicky, while Emilie laughed her head off at me. Actually I kinda feel like Emilie loves to laugh at me.I must investigate that matter of utmost importance and find out. “we can’t have finished 20 minutes before everybody else! it’s not right! I mean, I’m the one who was leading all this! so we must have done it wrong!” and Marshall kept repeating patiently “it’s normal you’ve finished early…there’s three of you usually you’re only two closing the stock…I’ thing you’re all done…yeah, no, don’t worry…Yeah, I’ll check in two minutes…allright I’ll check NOW. That way you’ll know for sure.”(and he probably thought “that way you’ll shut the eff up and let me pack my croissants in peace” but he didn’t say that aloud)

Turned out we hadn’t forgotten anything except putting boxes in the lines (stocks have to do that if they finish early)  and so when Marshall checked we were all set. A trio of stars. Smiley Emilie and Calimero and meself.

2) spend a quiet night in bliss : mission failed

Went to bliss with Pixie and Saniwipes and other cool kids. It was the first (and probably the last) time I was in this club. first the drinks are crazy expensive and second, the men in that club: are you kidding me? they are all over you and around you, and invade your breathing space like a cloud of smoke. And as soon as you hit the dance floor, they all come dancing with you uninvited. That wouldn’t be so bad if they wanted to waltz with you; but what they want is to rub themselves against you, the kind of rubbing my pet poodle did to people’s legs when he was a baby, and mom used to chase him away with a rolled newspaper in her hand. I had no newspaper for those dudes, so I had to do what I could to keep them away. But either some guys had ham baguettes in their pockets, or else I felt some things a lady doesn’t really want to know about ! Gross!

3) develop big voice and communicating effectively: mission accomplished

Someone (I will not name and shame Bernadette) slipped an ice-cube in my shirt while I was giving change to a little Canadian girl and I yelped so, loud that the whole bakery turned around, trainer two at the other end of the bakery, agent Smith (named like that because of his never smily face), Ice Mimi, Closet Peggy, and even trainer one poked his head outta the kitchen. Every customer saw me and rushed to my empty register this time! I knew I’d manage to this one day!

That’s all folks! (at least for today)

stay tuned,

mxx

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