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A letter to my former self (I could have used what I know now when I was a teen)

Published September 10, 2013 by Dorothy


Hey young Ellie,

I know you have a lot of issues in life. You will continue to be your quirky, riddled with OCD self for quite a while, probably forever, but you are stronger than you think. The boat will rock on but as long as you hang on to it you will be fine.

First of all, you  need to realize that you have a voice, and that you can use it just anytime; you want people to like you, but do not turn into something you are not in order to attract the favours of people who would not like or understand your true self. Those people are not worth the time of your day. You do not know it yet, but your days are numbered. Life can seem like it’s going to go on forever but it won’t; and one day you are going to look back at those years wasted being  unhappy because you made your choices according to the result of other people’s thinking. Be your true self, however hard this seems, and I promise the right people will find their way into your life. You have no need for fake people who make you feel like you’re all alone. Dare to disagree, to stand up for things, and to be disliked. You do not live to please anyone, you only live to fulfill your own destiny on Earth.

As far as procrastination goes, you do know already that it is going to be your constant enemy. Do something about it now. You enjoy the thought of accomplished things, of success, so much that you actually get bored with the process of finishing anything. You are not by nature a perseverant type of person, so you have to haul yourself up. Do it. Because when you will look back later on, all you will see will be dreams drifting out of grasp and opportunities lost. All you will be satisfied about will be the things that you will actually have done, not the unfulfilled dreams like balloons, pretty and colorful but empty inside.

You’ve always had a complicated relationship to people. Mostly, they don’t understand you and your weird sinous mind, and you have a pretty high tolerance for people’s stupidity and mistreatments, because you don’t really expect anything from anyone but love. But you have to choose relationships carefully because whoever you spend your time with truly influences you, whether you want it or not, realize it or not. You don’t want to burden yourself with people that bring nothing positive in your life. You sometimes will feel that you should just part ways with someone;do, go with your gut feeling, instincts will guide you through,and you will save a lot of time.
By the way, I’m proud of you that you never hung on to grudges. They are useless and they poison you rather than the people you hold them against.It is not worth even a minute of you time. You sense it already but you will witness it in time: we all reap just what we sow.  So forgive antagonists you will meet in your path, just don’t ever forget that they are not your friends.

You  have many fears, acknowledge them. Courage is not being fearless, courage is having fears and being strong enough to face them. So know where you weaknesses are, and consolidate. Be a conquerant and you will grow taller.

And remember, people can’t have any power over you unless you give it to them. I f you let too many voices into your mind, you won’t be able to hear your own voice anymore. Don’t listen, don’t take it all in, or you will never grow. Don’t ever surrender. You know you’re better than that.

be loving and forever strong

m xx


Keep me in your heart

Published May 28, 2013 by Dorothy


Some things that people find difficult, I find them easy; it’s the things that are easy to everyone that I find incredibly hard.

Melancholy, all those thoughts like a screen of fine gossamer between me and my life, how could I see clearly through it? I know now what I have to do: I’m applying to go back to Florida.

I am working towards my new degree slowly but surely; I’m absolutely unsure of what will come next for me and at least that’s cheering me up a bit. I could be in New Zealand or Australia or in Orlando or in Canada in the next five years, I’ve absolutely no idea. The only thing I know is that I want to put my suitcases down somewhere and not move again. I’m planning that for the next five years, if that is possible.

Planning to go away is my everyday motivation. That and looking at cool pictures like the one above and thinking about cool trips I’ve done around the world.

I’m getting my fiddle back in two month. He also has helped me soothe my nerves when I was going through difficult stages. I miss that thing 🙂

and I’m definitely getting that pretty little Hilfiger bag, a girl need that to cheer up! (That and lots of dodgy cocktails and sparkling wine).

I’m still revising my novel and when I’ll be done with that it’ll cheer me up for a while also! (I’ll feel like this best selling author until I start getting rejection letters and after that I can still tell myself that I’m too brilliant for my time! All positive.)

I still don’t have a good title for it. I have no idea what to call the beast!


Stay tuned,

I shall be back on the blog a little more often for updates.



Ballad of Easy Rider

Published September 7, 2012 by Dorothy

I won!!!

I have written my novel at long last!

I’ve just spent the week bragging about it on facebook, twitter and whateverbook. Any social network I could get my hands on, really. I phoned and emailed the good news around. My novel is written! now just a little tweak here and there and it’s ready for publication, and I am sure ready for glory, my hands already outstretched to received the many literary prizes and bagfuls of money that come with it. Except…

I followed the advice I read on my “how to revise your book” guide. I had the manuscript printed and put it away for a few days, so that I could distance myself from my story, and then I was ready to re-read it, and see it with a new eye. Yeah, well, the new eye is a picky old bitch.It spotted loads of work to do, chapters to rewrite, typos, anachronisms; seems like the few tweaks have turned into a “Bulldoze and rebuild” operation. If I had to use a metaphor, I would say that I have the skeleton of the story right, all is in place, it can stand upright, but I do have to flesh it out.

So I’m starting by scribbling all I want to change on my printed copy, I’m carrying it everywhere with me and anytime I can, I pull it out of my bag and read a bit and make corrections. then I’ll start editing it on my computer next week. I haven’t lost courage yet 🙂

Just so you know what I’ve been on about all of this time, here’s the synopsis I posted on Camp Nanowrimo :

Alicia is afraid of water. Alicia is afraid of spiders and bees, she’s also so terrified of germs that she has to wash her hands three times every time she touches something dirty. Alicia is also very afraid of the dark and she’s so shy that she’s afraid of speaking to other people in case they think she’s stupid.
Oliver is an artist. He’s bored of his job playing music in that crappy bar when he meant to be a rockstar, but he’s too lazy to really do something to further his career. He’s bored of his parents who are incredibly uptight and insist that he has to go back to college and get himself a proper job. He’s bored of girls that only like him because he’s handsome. He’s bored of being so brilliant that everything comes to him easily.

When carefree, happy go lucky Oliver meets challenging, strange yet charming Alicia, they instantly connect.

But twenty one days after they meet,the accident. Alicia was just coming out of her shell thanks to Oliver and now he is gone.

But he’s not, actually, because the next morning, Alicia wakes up to realize that she’s jumped back in time three month before it happened, and two month before they met, back when he had a jealous girlfriend who would do anything to keep him.

Now it’s up to her to keep the accident from happening, only it’s hard when he doesn’t recognize you, you don’t remember anything at all about what happened to him and you’re afraid of your own shadow…


Stay tuned folks!


Tongue Tied

Published August 23, 2012 by Dorothy

Hey y’all!!

Okay if you are a writer, or an aspiring novelist that needs motivation, I highly recommend Camp Nanowrimo. It’s a community of writer that helps you get organized and motivated to write or finish your novel of 50000 words in one month, starting the 1st of each month. I signed up for August and guess what! My novel is almost finished! I am so glad. I usually write and rewrite for years and years and never get to the result I want. That website, combined with Alan Watt’s book the ninety days novel finally helped me vanquish my inner self critic and my bad procrastinating habits.

I mean, I am still a lazy cow but nanowrimo really helped, mostly  because I kind of had the shits that this girl in my nanowrimo writing group worked wayyyy faster than me, so I worked a lot everyday to finish my novel before she did. Every participant of the writing group encourages each other like that, it’s really cool.

On a new note, I’m working in a restaurant again. Seriously. But I actually like it because

a) my manager is Michael Cera’s lost twin. Isn’t that cool? He just looks and feel exactly the same. Liking him.

b) The team is a team of drunkards. I was invited to a dinner by one of my workmates; we started on appetizers and drinks at 9.30 pm but we never got past  this stage because by 10 pm, after tasting a bit of this a bit of that, a shot of this and a shot of that, we were all pissed, so we skipped dinner.

Well, I guess kahlua can count as a desert, can’t it? There’s milk and all in it! We drank our dinner, like we used to say in Australia.

Anyways, I mean, these people are almost like Irish or Aussie people! How lucky am I? My work team rules.

c) After all the difficult jobs I’ve done, this one seems so relaxing. I mean, we’re serious but relaxed. There’s no twelve hours days, no seven days a week, no sweating two pints every hour hauling bags of fruits under the sun, no having to deal with nerve racking conflicts and incredible pressure every day. Everyone was telling me that this jobs would be so stressful but after my old jobs, this is just holidays under the sun. I mean, I’m stressed because it’s me and I’m always anxious, but not so overstressed that I can’t function right and go home every night with a migraine and the serious need of downing a bottle of Jameson in order to unwind.

i’m gonna let you guys go, I’ve got some serious novel writing to do!!

stay tuned,


PS: Still hard to adjust back to Paris. I suspect you might find me elsewhere next year 😉

More than a feeling

Published July 9, 2012 by Dorothy

It seems sometimes that everyone, even loved ones,sets out to be antagonists in your life. Everyone seems to know so well what you should and shouldn’t do.

The truth is, whilst it is difficult to resist the urge to follow the path you are told to follow, it is actually worth it. Who decides what is right? who defines what is proper, normal? who even says being normal is what you should pursue?

What I think is, there is no such thing as one single way everyone should follow.I think we are all, wonderfully, amazingly different from one another and we each have our own role to play; like shooting stars,we have our beautiful, meaningful if so short path to follow in this world. We are all walking towards our haven, only, we all have to take different routes.

It is so difficult, sometimes, not to let yourself be herded down a road that is not yours, really. Just because “it’s normal” “it’s what you should do”.But that tiny little thing inside you, that pretty, colorful, tender thing. Its petals reaching fur the sun, so incredible, so bright and yet, so easily crushed or pulled out by careless hands. Your spirit, how it would wilt if you weren’t careful to be true to yourself.

A lot of us, we wander around and we don’t really know, and we have to find our own way. Let alone give advice to someone else about what they are meant to do or be.

If you let people get to you, if you let to many voices into your mind then you won’t be able to hear your own anymore. What does the world and his wife think about your business ? Don’t listen, don’t take it all in, or you will never grow.

love, mxx

For artwork, go here


here comes the sun

Published July 4, 2012 by Dorothy

Notre Dame de ParisConcerning the job research, I must admit that today, fuck all was about all I did.

But I did need a break from my computer screen, I’ve been looking up job ads and giving news to everyone, yes I’m in Paris and I made it through the nine hours long flight from Miami; it was okay, only the food was really awful, instead of ‘Beef Bourguignon with baked potatoes with a twirl of French sauce’ they should have said ‘burnt-to-a-crisp beef with bizarro unidentified yellow objet that doesn’t even remotely taste like potato”. And don’t even get me started on the fucking “gâteau” we had for dessert. The only good thing was the coke and they didn’t eve have diet or zero. Anyway. the only funny moment was the French girl beside me who couldn’t get over her red velvet cake being red. She kept poking at it with her plastic fork, saying ” Zese Americans!” she was saying. “Zey are unbelievable, zey make ze weirdest things!”

Aywayyyy,  I am also looking for a new phone, my problem is, I am unemployed since I got to Paris and basically penniless, but I won’t settle for anything but a Blackberry or an Iphone. I mean, I can’t buy a crap phone, can I? or else I’ll be forced to buy a new one once I’m richer and then that means I’ll waste lots of money buying two phones. Logical isn’t it? like that time when I didn’t want to buy a scarf until I got a Burberry one and nobody got it…never mind.

This is probably my french side flaring up because since I’m in Paris, my new thing is cooking to myself and drinking wine. When all I’ve been doing these past years is getting pizzas delivered or going to Wendy’s, whilst getting pissed on Bourbon. I like my new new habits, but one thing about the wine: I mean, it’s delicious and all, but Bourbon does a better job at keeping you happy and you do need less of it. Really. But still, I cook better than old Wendy.

I spent the afternoon walking around “Odeon ” ” st Michel” and “boulevard St Germain” it’s an area of Paris I like because: a) they have Ralph Lauren; b) they have this very cool American library; c) there are multiple cool places where you can get drunk; d) there is Notre Dame and it’s one of my fave monuments in the world. I like it better than the Eiffel Tower actually.

stay tuned!


I am trying to break your heart

Published July 2, 2012 by Dorothy

This is the strangest feeling ever; I am back in Paris after all these years.

This brutal change just cut of my creative flow alltogether and I can’t come up with any new twist and turns so I’m stuck with writer’s block and I still haven’t written any more of my novel today. Bad.

I’ve just arrived from the USA an I’ve had a whole bottle of sparkling french wine to soothe my nerves. (I positively hate flying, mostly because a) I always get frowned upon because my cases are overweight and b) I always have to part with my luggage and I hate handing my bag full of lovely Ralph Lauren clothes to a total stranger and trust that he’s going to put it in the right plane and not send it to Oahu or wherever. I always get the chills when I watch the cases coming at the luggage claim; I’m always so afraid that my stuff isn’t going to turn up that I’m a nervous wreck until I see the familiar shape of my dingy orange case. I like it, mind you. I was very tempted last year to blow my savings on a nice vuitton bag but I would have been too anxious that someone would steal it if it was too obvious that it was expensive. whereas my present suitcase is so grotty nobody looks at it twice.

Anyway. I was so exhausted today by that endless flight and terrible in-flight meals,(not to mention the bad movies they played. the exotic marigold hotel was good, but the rest was crap) that I spent my first afternoon back in Paris secluded with my laptop, wine and fromage. It’s worked out quite well actually.

lads I am too tired to write anything else.

I’ll try to get going on my novel, I’ve written half of it already! but I’m so slow! I want it finished nextr month.

stay tuned friends!

Ellie M xx

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