Hurt starts from my head, and my chest filled with tangled, complicated feelings; and from there it shoots throught every network of nerves, every fiber of my being. I wince with the pain. It is no physical pain, though; only a strange, piercing, sudden sort of panicky sadness.
It is an awkward thing to explain, how is it that social interaction scares me, that I experience these differently than other people, with genuine fear, sweating palms, beating heart and all. I fear it the way some people feel spiders, rats, or heights, or enclosed spaces. A phobia, I have been told. See when you are on top of a really really high roller coaster ride, about to go down a long long scary drop? that’s me, when I have to say hello to you. Same sort of feeling.Bizarre, huh? it can get as bad as anxiety attacks.
It is such a lonely feeling, that certainty that nobody really understands.
Anyway! I almost was sick with it today.
good thing I finished at 5 this afternoon or I know it would have turned full anxiety episode!
sorry guys, I’m boring today. New post coming up in like, 30 mn to an hour. Happy post I promise 🙂