Archives

All posts for the month July, 2011

Travelin’ Band

Published July 31, 2011 by Dorothy

Everywhere, everything,huge.

Skyscrapers that lauch themselves high up, trying to reach up to the clouds; bodies sculpted, modified, touched up so much that their sheer, unnatural perfection no longer looks human;  houses painted insolent colors, buttery yellow, mint green, Pepto Bismol pink; restaurants, tables loaded with impossibly huge chunks of meat and mountains of golden chips; margaritas so huge and strong that your head starts spinning when you’re not even halfway through the glass.

That’s Miami for you!

We arrived early in the afternoon  and checked in our hotel. First good surprise: The reception and bar had this cool, retro vibe and the suite was really nice.  We explored the minibar and basket of snacks, and Barbs and myself found some cool shades, they  were plastic and had the American flag on them!!

“This is sooo fun!” Barbs declared. “Let’s bring them to the beach and take fun pictures!”

“Hum, are they free?” the two boys asked.

“Course they are!” I told them, ripping the plastic package off the shades and trying them on. “They couldn’t ask us to to pay for that! Look, it’s just cheap plastic.”

“Oh. Right.” they said.

There were two sofa and a giant bed, in which all four of us could fit! But we didn’t feel like trying it just yet : we were a few yards away from the beach and after a quick lunch at a French bakery, we directly went for a swim in the ocean. The sea was hot like a bath and I stayed in there with Barbs in there for hours, after what we joined the boys who had slopped down on their towels and were now  fast asleep on the beach.

“Come oooooon!” Barbs shouted enthusiastically in their direction, startling them both awake. “Let’s take a picture with those funny America sunglasses, it will be so fuuuuun!”

She reminded me of Michelle in American Pie a bit. The boys both grumbled vaguely than what they found funnn right now was sleeping and so Barbs and I took photos of each other  with the shades, and then we headed for the hotel because we had been told it was happy hour between 7 pm and 8 pm and we didn’t want to miss a minute of it.

About the happy hour: I thought the free cocktails were going to be like the “shakeitbaby” and the “sexyboyz” in the Chillers: those are only worth one dollar per glass but there’s one drop of tequila for one gallon of margarita flavoured slush, so after wasting ten dollars and remaining completely sober, you have to go to the other bar in the Chillers, the one that serves normal drinks, and get plastered on proper concentrated alcohol.But in the free cocktails of the hotel,there was so much alcohol and so little juice that they were almost shots! after about five or six of those each (ten each for the boys) I started to get kinda wobbly on my feet and so did the others; the Adam Rodriguez looking barman, spotting that we were behaving kinda oddly eyed us suspiciously and snatched the “free drinks”sign away as soon as he got the chance, probably worried that we were going to pull a rolling stones on him and destroy the place in a drunken fury.

When we left for the restaurant, we were completely gone over the hill and far away off our faces. We walked along Ocean drive and all the mixed sounds,scents and colors and lights made me feel like I was on some sort of a Las Vegas Parano trip. We stopped at a restaurant and we absent mindedly ordered three king sized margaritas (with two Corona bottles upside down in the glass for Alex) and they were like, huge! I think there was at least a liter of margarita in there, no kidding! I kept drinking and drinking out of it and I could barely see the level of margarita going down! this was the best margarita ever.

Then we ordered the meal.

“How much is the special plate of king sized rumsteak sprinkled with caviar and Veuve Clicquot sauce ?” Dorian asked the waitress.

“35769183685741368 dollars” the waitress said.

“oh! and how much the giant fresh lobster ?”

“hum, 86953987 dollars sir!”

I though he would them shrug and have a modest 3 pound steak or something that was  at a reasonable price but he enthusiastically went for the lobster that cost a zillion dollars! After fifteen minutes, it started raining. Not a drizzle,but heavy, tropical rain, complete with thunder. It took us quite a while to react.

“Oooooh it rains in my margarita” I said, drunkenly.

“It rains WATER.” Barbs blinked, stoned.

“Should we get like, out of the rain or something?” Alex asked.

‘Yeah, there’s like, a canopy there” rain was bouncing on Dorian’s head. “we could maybe go there, what do you think?”

“yeah, let’s do that! I’ll be funnn!” Barbs vaguely said.

After a good ten minutes of slow thinking, we finally pulled the table under the canopy.

The food was pretty good, the bill, less good: with three giant margaritas worth 30 dollars,plus Dorian’s supersized lobster in Bollinger sauce or something equally extravagant, and all the appetizers and maxi burgers and everything we ordered, the bill was:350 dollars! I don’t think I’ve ever managed such a high restaurant bill ever. Ah well. Youth and pissedness are our excuses!

That night we couldn’t find a place to hang out big enough for all our coolness to fit in (furthermore, the boys were wearing shorts and flip-flops so we couldn’t get inside any place that mattered 😀  ) so we went to a couple of pubs and then simply went to the beach to take a midnight bath and take some pictures of us in the deserted rescue patrol cabins pretending we were Mitch Buchannon and Pamela.

The next day was also terrific: We went shopping for souvenirs and I got myself THE tacky shirt : “f*** me I’m famous, Miami beach”. I hesitated between that and “Bitch, I was in Miami”, but I decided for this one, it’s tacky in a classy kind of way. Anyway, this is the right shirt if you want to get rid of your mom or your nanna for a couple of hours: If I wear this in front of them I’m pretty sure they’ll faint!! Also I can wear it in the Chillers: It will be assorted with my cocktails heehee.

Awesome!!!

PS: actually the bleedin shades were ten dollars!!!

Everybody hurts

Published July 20, 2011 by Dorothy

Two days of being a trainer: Most memorabel moments :

  • When Pixie and newly turned lead princess Sara declared : “So,you can take care of trainee Ginger and trainee Chaplin and teach them both how to open the line” (I nickname them that because Ginger has lovely red hair and trainee Chaplin really looks like old Charlie with his mimicks and the beret the boys have to wear in the bakery) I first thought they were playing a prank on me and kind of giggled, which made all the trainees present giggle too.

But then I looked at Pixie and she looked absolutely serious, she had her “don’t mess with me” face on and was not smiling at all, so I thought then that maybe she’d gone clinically insane? I’ve always said staying stuck in that kitchen is bad for you, in these chocolate chip cookies fumes and all. I hate training, and I suck at it because I’m too shy.But anyway, I went on to train the two little newbies and the were very good, actually, wayyyyy better trainees than myself 🙂 and I managed to teach them the opening of the drinks station right, only I forgot about opening the wine bottles. Actually,I’m not that dreadful a trainer, Pixie  and Princess Sara might have flair 😀

  • Marshall decided to play pranks on the new kids in town. He a) told one new girl that she had to count the paper plates every hour and tell Pixie how many we had. Imagine that we have piles of 87648638364 paper plates. And the poor girl took him seriously and actually counted them for like, a few hours before she realized it was a joke! b) made a boy believe that he had to wash the managers cars every morning and the boy  believed him and was ready to do it! he asked where were the keys and all!! and c)he very seriously asked another girl to rotate the baking sheets we use for the oven every hour and put fresher sheets on top!

hahahahaha that was very funny but I’m glad I haven’t been trained by Marshall. I would have lost the plot! By the way, I haven’t told you about Marshall yet: he arrived same day as I did and he is really tall and really funny and reminds me of Marshall in How I met Your Mother. Hence the nickname!

  • A male trainee (Trainee Saniwipes) had forgotten his socks today. So he went to that place where they sell last minute stuff you could have forgotten before going to work,(deodorant, toothpaste, etc… because it is really important that we are well groomed here, or we could get warnings) and so he bought girl’s tights and simply cut them into socks! He was so glad about his ingeniosity that I didn’t dare reminding him that at the same place he bought his girlie tights, they sold male socks too! He probably hasn’t noticed, poor boy 🙂
  • Today: the iced cappuccino machine broke down, then the strawberry smoothie machine borke down. Then the second cappuccino machine broke down and all the people who bought iced cappucino came to me with complaints and imperious demands of refunds. All that when I was training a girl whilst operating the register, during the midday rush, when there’s a three miles long queue at my register! I didn’t think I would survive this! but I wasn’t on double shift,luckily, and Cici rescued me at five to five : “It’s five, you can go home, I’ll take over your register!” If she wasn’t a girl and looked more like Jake Gyllenhaal I would have kissed her.

okay people! talk soon!

m xxx

U got it bad

Published July 20, 2011 by Dorothy

Hurt starts from my head, and my chest filled with tangled, complicated feelings; and from there it shoots throught every network of nerves, every fiber of my being. I wince with the pain. It is no physical pain, though; only a strange, piercing, sudden sort of panicky sadness.

It is an awkward thing to explain, how is it that social interaction scares me, that I experience these differently than other people, with genuine fear, sweating palms, beating heart and all. I fear it the way some people feel spiders, rats, or heights, or enclosed spaces. A phobia, I have been told. See when you are on top of a really really high roller coaster ride, about to go down a long long scary drop? that’s me, when I have to say hello to you. Same sort of feeling.Bizarre, huh? it can get as bad as anxiety attacks.

It is such a lonely feeling, that certainty that nobody really understands.

Anyway! I almost was sick with it today.

good thing I finished at 5 this afternoon or I know it would have turned full anxiety episode!

sorry guys, I’m boring today. New post coming up in like, 30 mn to an hour. Happy post I promise 🙂

stay tuned!

m xxx

Complainte de la Butte

Published July 8, 2011 by Dorothy

Expedition Everest in Animal Kingdom!

Nothing really new is happening these days, but still, I’m keeping ya posted!

I went to two of the Disney Parks Animal Kingdom, and to Magic Kingdom with Princess Sara and La Bernadette (two workmates) and we had a blast! However, Princess Sara has the bad habit to scream his head off in every ride, even the kiddie one with the little dinosaurs 🙂 (yeah, yeah, it’s a boy I’ve nicknamed princess Sara. It’s a long story but princess Sara will recognise himself !) So at the end of the day, after listening to Princess Sara screaming the ears offa me I was almost deaf! Princess Sara should really go to Seaworld to get himself a job, instead of Disneyworld. His voice got so high in Expedition Everest, I bet he could communicate with dolphins 🙂

At work, nothing new: Only, due to some shenanigans in the  timetables, Pixie Girl is not a lead this week, she works with us  in the bakery! It is a little strange to see Pixie reduced to the status of humble baker like us: I can’t get used to it! Usually, she is always in the kitchen, and when she’s out, either we’ve done some kind of huge mistake and we’re in trouble, or she is checking that we’ve done our cleaning well and we’re in trouble. Anytime I see her coming near me I have a fright, thinking “what? what have I done ? Did I forgot to clean under the counter? did I forget to tell the kitchen that we were out of creme brulées ?” before remembering that she is only a bakery host like us for now.

Pixie’s natural place is really in the kitchen shouting at us, that’s for sure.

anyhow.

Fun week!

m xx

Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometimes

Published July 4, 2011 by Dorothy

Dear lovely friends who come for a taste of our lovely cakes everyday, these guidelines are just for you. A lot of you already know them and we love you for that. However, some of you don’t, so that is a reminder.

  1. You may expect me to understand and speak English, which is the national language of the great United States. However, you shall not adress me in German, Swahili, Portuguese, Polish, Togolese, etc, and get mad at me for not understanding you straight away. However smart I may be, my name is not Google Translator, unfortunately!
  2. You are allowed unlimited use of “hello, good morning, thank you, please, goodbye” and other magic words you may have heard about. These brighten our days. Do not hesitate to use them once in a while!
  3. When you make up your mind about what you are going to eat, you may swivel your head around. If there are 198754976378357 people waiting behind you, we suggest you keep your decision time down to a minimum. Taking under twenty minutes to make your choice would be a good start.
  4. We do understand that you sometimes snap your fingers or whistle to attact the attention of your cats, dogs, hamsters and other furry friends. However, as you will notice, none of us are furry (well some of us are…but you get my point) and we respond perfectly well to a simple “excuse me” of “hi, can I have [name of desired product]”
  5. We love to have you around. However, when it is nine thirty and you are all alone in our modest abode, with us waiting to close the door since nine, you may want to leave and go elsewhere to sip your cappuccino whilst daydreaming . That would help us a great deal.

Thank you all!! lots of love and hugs and kisses!

m xx

 

Gotta Get Along Without You Now (arrival,part 3)

Published July 3, 2011 by Dorothy

Day 3 :

I arrived to discover I would be trained to use the cash register. Handling money is always a bit stressful; so I stressed all along the day as you would expect from me. I wasn’t with my usual trainer but this new one was okay too; especially as I kept panicking and messing everything up, I must have been kinda annoying, but Trainer 2 did not say anything about that. I think if I ever have to train someone like me I’ll resign 🙂

I did every mistake I could possibly do:

  •  thrown away receipt I had to keep for paperwork (“it’s okay, it’s only your first day” Trainer 2 sighed. Before overturning the bin and gesturing for me to help him find the missing ticket.)
  • charged a grandad for 270 chocolate croissants when he had only ordered two. “oh f**k” trainer 2 said, then looking from my  face growing panicky to the ticket saying the grandad had been charged 695472729.65 $:    “herm, t’s’okay, don’t stress. I’ll sort this out. Hold on to the register and no more catastrophes for 5 minutes while I’m looking for the manager?”
  • Drove the coffee machine crazy;I punched the wrong button and it served me a whole liter of decaf even though I kept shouting at it to stop pouring coffee this instant.
  • Somehow managed to make 11  dollars disappear from the till; whe counted and counted the money again about a dozen times after we closed the bakery (poor trainer 2 stoically helped me and smiled through the whole process) but we still couldn’t find it.The manager gave me the cross looks but let us go unscathed, ordering us to clock out.

So now that’s it. I’m trained at every job in the bakery! no more trainers! though I’d probably need some more training!

later that day I met trainer 2 at a party and he toasted me,calling me his little “full of shit checkout girl” ! humhum. He probably shares my views on my needing more training.

stay tuned!!!

mxx

Sugar Town (arrival, part 2)

Published July 1, 2011 by Dorothy

So that’s it: I’m officially on my week end! So I’ll start these two days of complete and utter freedom by pouring myself some Margarita and updating the aul blog! I can now tell you about the beginning of the Floridian adventure! I will skip all the boring details about the first days of welcome sessions and skip directly to the first day of work, shall I ?

Day 1 :

a few of us new Cast Members got in the bus. Having heard all sorts of Urban Legends about work at the bakery being extremely difficult, we are all scared out of our mind and very skittish, so it took us a little while to realise the girl we had sat next to was also French. She was tiny and had a small, heart shaped pixie face. She told us she also worked in the bakery and so we pressed her with all sorts questions like “did anybody survive the job?” and all. Pixie Girl smiled at our anxiety and dismissed all the Urban Legends with a wave of her tiny hand, so I felt a little reassured.

We then followed Pixie Girl who hurried out of the bus, like a row of little ducklings (and we really looked like ducklings with the bright yellow shirts of our uniforms) onto the next bus and in the bakery. As soon as we were in she ran off someplace wishing us good luck; then the manager greeted us and told us to go to the kitchen where our “lead” would tell us what to do. Pixie Girl was there, bent over some food that she was apparently setting on fire; then she yelled for someone to come pick up the burnt stuff “Creme Brulée!” she shouted in a voice bigger than herself. Then she pointed at us one by one “you! Go to line one! You!to stock! you! stop talking when I’m talking! You! (me) drinks two!” Turned out our Pixie Girl was the lead and she got to boss us around! hadn’t see that one coming!

So Pixie Girl sent me to drinks, which is quite easy : All I had to do was ask people if they wanted any drinks and pour them some of whatever they asked for,and also keep the bin near the exit empty, plus I had to restock the table with all the plastic cutlery and sugar, cream and straws. Each of us were assigned a “trainer”, meaning someone who was here longer than us and could explain everything about the job. My trainer should really pursue a career in education, he’s the coolest trainer ever 🙂

I spent the rest of the day serving drinks with Trainer who didn’t get mad when I made mistakes even when I spilled Iced cappuccino on his freshly polished shoes and when a little blue haired granny shouted her head off at him because I’d forgotten to put ice in her drink.

Day two :

Time to try ou the line, where we serve food to guests. and  be paired up with a new trainer! A little nervous, I walked up to the line only to find my same trainer, fortunately! He looked a bit drained when he saw me coming (and did he look at his new shoes and flich? I shall never know) but anyway I was glad I didn’t change trainer.Everything went smoothly except when I had to call out guests to my register.

“you have to call out loud” Trainer advised. I was shy but I would do it, I thought.

“Bonjour,” I shouted on top of my lungs “come over this side!”

But then I turned to Trainer so happy with myself for speaking superloud and he cleared his throat.

“Humhum,louder, trainee, they can’t hear you if you’re muttering like that!”

“but, but!that’s the loudest I can do!” I said, offended, and Trainer laughed heartily.

“go again” Trainer said and I tried again to call people. Nobody budged or even turned their heads and at my third attemps, Trainer called out bright and clear, covering up my voice with his, and as soon as he spoke, heads snapped up and a whole herd came to our line.(note to self : there’s no way I can speak that loud. Should buy myself a vuvuzela)

(to be continued in next post)

m xxx

%d bloggers like this: