Hey young Ellie,
I know you have a lot of issues in life. You will continue to be your quirky, riddled with OCD self for quite a while, probably forever, but you are stronger than you think. The boat will rock on but as long as you hang on to it you will be fine.
First of all, you need to realize that you have a voice, and that you can use it just anytime; you want people to like you, but do not turn into something you are not in order to attract the favours of people who would not like or understand your true self. Those people are not worth the time of your day. You do not know it yet, but your days are numbered. Life can seem like it’s going to go on forever but it won’t; and one day you are going to look back at those years wasted being unhappy because you made your choices according to the result of other people’s thinking. Be your true self, however hard this seems, and I promise the right people will find their way into your life. You have no need for fake people who make you feel like you’re all alone. Dare to disagree, to stand up for things, and to be disliked. You do not live to please anyone, you only live to fulfill your own destiny on Earth.
As far as procrastination goes, you do know already that it is going to be your constant enemy. Do something about it now. You enjoy the thought of accomplished things, of success, so much that you actually get bored with the process of finishing anything. You are not by nature a perseverant type of person, so you have to haul yourself up. Do it. Because when you will look back later on, all you will see will be dreams drifting out of grasp and opportunities lost. All you will be satisfied about will be the things that you will actually have done, not the unfulfilled dreams like balloons, pretty and colorful but empty inside.
You’ve always had a complicated relationship to people. Mostly, they don’t understand you and your weird sinous mind, and you have a pretty high tolerance for people’s stupidity and mistreatments, because you don’t really expect anything from anyone but love. But you have to choose relationships carefully because whoever you spend your time with truly influences you, whether you want it or not, realize it or not. You don’t want to burden yourself with people that bring nothing positive in your life. You sometimes will feel that you should just part ways with someone;do, go with your gut feeling, instincts will guide you through,and you will save a lot of time.
By the way, I’m proud of you that you never hung on to grudges. They are useless and they poison you rather than the people you hold them against.It is not worth even a minute of you time. You sense it already but you will witness it in time: we all reap just what we sow. So forgive antagonists you will meet in your path, just don’t ever forget that they are not your friends.
You have many fears, acknowledge them. Courage is not being fearless, courage is having fears and being strong enough to face them. So know where you weaknesses are, and consolidate. Be a conquerant and you will grow taller.
And remember, people can’t have any power over you unless you give it to them. I f you let too many voices into your mind, you won’t be able to hear your own voice anymore. Don’t listen, don’t take it all in, or you will never grow. Don’t ever surrender. You know you’re better than that.
be loving and forever strong